I went to a convention and I had a really lovely time. That’s it, thanks for reading.
Actually, I do have more to say but I thought it was important to start with a positive and true statement, as it was partially how much I enjoyed this convention that made me consider the following topic.
You see conventions are wonderful. It’s nice to get away, see friends, meet new friends and play and run excellent games. However, I must admit that, no matter how much fun they provide and how much I love the experience, they’re also quite stressful for me sometimes. I’m rather introverted by nature and suffer from quite a bit of anxiety. I’ve been working for years on the latter (I don’t really see the former as a problem necessarily) but, even though I feel as though I’ve made a lot of progress, there are particular aspects of conventions that push my personal buttons. So I thought I’d share a few things about conventions that I personally find stressful along with some coping mechanisms I’ve found useful as I dive deeper into the RPG scene.
I’m going to split this into two posts, one about playing games at conventions and one about running games at conventions.
Please note, what I say has more to do with my own personal thoughts and insecurities than the way conventions are organised or the folks who attend them. The organisation teams of all the cons I’ve gone to have been universally helpful and lovely and the attendees generally tend to create a genuinely welcoming atmosphere.
Being a player at conventions
My major tip here would be “Don’t try to do everything”. This seems self explanatory and obvious but convention environments do seem to unintentionally encourage one to push oneself past their limit. There’s an air of excitement, there’s lots of fun things to do and there’s even a bit of a culture of joking about not getting enough sleep and playing all the games. This in itself is not a problem. The problem comes when it’s mixed with a mindset of fear of missing out, or somehow feeling that if you take time to breathe you’re somehow not getting the full convention experience or you’re going to regret it later. Now there are people out there who can do all the things and have a great time. Not me however. I’ve realised I need breaks. A combination of medical problems and also general anxiety around social situations means that it’s not plausible for me to keep going nonstop. I also need to be very strict with myself about these breaks as I do rather find the convention atmosphere a little intoxicating. I want to hang out with my friends, I want to play games. However, I’ve learnt from experience that if I do push myself, I just end up not having as much fun as I would if I’m sensible. I’ve even on one occasion had to drop out of a game and spend the rest of the day recovering when I pushed myself too far at a longer con.
This year, at the same convention, I limited myself to 2 games a day maximum (apart from 1 day when I went to 3 but I ended up having the whole day off the day after), and it worked super well for me. I got my con fix while looking after myself properly and I didn’t feel like I was missing out because I knew that I needed the downtime to have a good con. Obviously other people will need fewer or more periods of downtime depending on who they are but I just want to make clear that a good convention isn’t always a packed convention. Take the time you need for you and don’t feel guilty about not filling your schedule to the brim.
Being a player with new people is also a bit scary. I have very rarely come across new people I haven’t liked at a convention and the folks who go are almost universally lovely. However, if you’re a fellow social anxiety sufferer the mere act of engaging with new people can be a bit of a strain. I personally find myself analysing my playing much more than I would do with friends. I want to make a good impression so sometimes it feels a bit more like a high stakes performance than a game. I have thoughts like, am I being annoying, am I fitting the tone of the game, do I fit in with the group, am I talking too much, am I not talking enough etc. If you ever find yourself falling into this pattern, I think an important thing to remember is that everyone has the same goal: having a good time. You’re all kind of a pre built team in that regard, there to help each other have a good experience. Personally I find that having that in the forefront of my mind helps me to relax and decentre myself a bit. It’s not only on me to make sure everyone’s having the most wonderful time and a sub-par role playing decision is not going to mess up the game.
A question that often crosses my mind is how do I choose what new games to play? Sometimes I like to play it safe and pick systems I’ve played before that I know I’ll enjoy or games run by GMs who I’ve played with in the past and know I can trust for a good game. This is perfectly reasonable way to do a con and I’ve had some great cons as a result of this strategy so if that’s your preference, go ahead and have a wonderful time. However, there are a lot of fun new games out there and sometimes I want to branch out and try something completely different.
I play a lot of horror games or games that are otherwise emotionally intense. Therefore, an important thing for me is clear, prominent and well thought out safety tools and content warnings. This isn’t to say that GMs who don’t list clear safety tools don’t care about their players but I sometimes use good safety tools on a sign up sheet as a shorthand for : "I’m more likely to be safe in this game" if I don’t know the GM and this has tended to serve me well. I love weird storytelling games so I tend to go for those. This is a personal preference of course but it seems these sorts of games are self selecting as most of the time when I’ve signed up to them I’ve had a lovely time with people who are on the same strange wavelength as I am.
Finally, if you have friends at the convention that you trust, then I urge you to talk about insecurities or anxieties you might have with them. I sometimes feel a bit bad about doing this as I feel like I might be bringing them down or making their convention less fun by expressing something difficult. However, every time I’ve had that sort of conversation it has always been positive and productive. They’ve helped put things into perspective, commiserated with me, cheered me up and sometimes expressed that I’m not alone in my anxieties.
The latter of which is why I’m writing this. I’ve found that opening up about things sometimes helps other people to open up about their stuff too. To that end, if you’re reading this please share some of your player convention survival tips. I’d be really interested to know people’s thoughts.
